1) Final Fantasy VIII
2) Final Fantasy VIIII
3) Legends of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
4) Mario Kart 64
5) Commander Keen

tags: 5 video games, entertainment, writer's block

Tuesday: 800
Wednesday: 875
Thursday: 745
Friday: 905
Saturday: (so far) 270

Damn... tomorrow is going to be a long day. I've already had 555 calories and it's only 12:30... fuck me.

Edited to add: I just weighed myself, I'm down to 126.5. Hell yes. I haven't been this low since... Sophomore year of high-school. I guess my new pills are working. :)

Edited to add again: Eventually I'll just need to make another post... oh well.

Today is the last day in my dorm. *tear* And the last time in two weeks that I'll be able to see Dan. *cry* I'm really going to miss him. More then I thought. I'm really glad we got the 'I love you' out of the way, because I might have otherwise slipped up when saying goodbye. I adore the fact that he's finally beginning to open up to me in an intimate way. For no reason he'll just start talking about some deep/private issue and talk until it's out of his system. He told me the other day that his last girlfriend (who I might add is COMPLETELY PSYCHOTIC) basically told him that he was fat and ugly and wanted him to go on a diet with her. Now I know that Dan's a bigger guy, but he is in NO way obese or even close to it. He's more "big boned" and he knows it. Well, this girlfriend set him on a strict calorie diet gradually getting both of them down to barely 100 calories a day. This went on for MONTHS. And he did lose the weight, but when they broke up he put it all back. As a result of this, he is extremely aware that he's bigger than he wants to be. Hearing him say that broke my heart. I don't want him to go through the same torture that I put myself through. He's perfect the way he is and I would love him no matter what. I think if I ever saw this chick on the street, I might just punch her. Its one thing to do that to yourself, but to make someone else, who you know would do anything for you, go through that kind of hell is inexcusable.

I must say that Dan and my relationship is a lot stronger than my relationship with Alix.

Shit... my parents are here!

music: Le Poules Huppees (The Crested Hens)- Solas

Tomorrow I have my Latin final due and my 5 page philosophy paper (The Permissibility of Unjustified Faith). I'm almost done with the paper I just have to write my conclusion and send of off to my AI.

I really don't want this week to end. Because that means that I'll be moving out and away from Dan. Even though he lives in Indy and its only a 45 minute drive to his house, I really am going to miss his random visits.

Well... a few hours later, I finished everything and I'm now watching Red vs. Blue. I <3 that show-thingy...
"It's not pink, it's lightish red."
"Guess what, they already have a color for lightish red, you know what it's called... PINK!"
"I hate you guys."

*giggles*

Yea, I've been really shitty on the updating thing.

It's been months since I've updated. I know, I'm horrible.

I've been really melancholy lately, even though I don't have any reason to be upset.

Dan and I finally got together, on Saturday was our 1 month mark. So far everything is going great. Occasionally we'll get in to a minor tiff about something, but nothing that can't be talked out. For my birthday he told Alix, which went surprisingly well... can't complain about that.

*sigh*

I haven't gone to class at all today, I've just sat around and have been mopey. I should have gone to Latin, since class is canceled for the rest of the week, but because I didn't get any sleep last night, it's hard to find that motivation.

I don't have a lot else, to say, just a quick 'Hi!' to everyone.

location: Dorm Room mood: blank music: Streamside: Album Leaf

I figured that I better update today since it is January 1st. I have 'officially' six minutes left today but that's okay. I'm not going to go in to the details of how I spent my New Years since it was completely uneventful involving Nikki, her drunk/annoying roommates and some Coconut Rum mixed with Sprite Zero. All went well with the world last night.

So New Years Resolutions, the things that everyone makes and no one keeps. This time I'll lower my standards and hopefully accomplish maybe 2 or 3 of them...

1) Get down to 110, even if it's for a day.
2) Go to the gym and get in shape to go hike the White Mountains with Laura over the summer.
3) Be okay with Alix.
4) Go an entire year without cutting.
5) Stop being depressed around the dorm room... go out!
6) Latin!
7) Get straight A's for one semester.

Maybe I can accomplish those things. I'll try my damnedest.

By the way... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

location: Home. Room. mood: sleepy music: More Than A Love Song- Augustana

So finally I have a little time to update while watching Casablanca downstairs with my Mom eating lunch in the other room. My internet in shady as hell so I don't know if this will even go though when I get done typing.

I guess the big news is the ordeal with Dan. As the entire fucking world knows by now I like Dan. And finally now Dan knows I like Dan. He never caught on before that I liked him which begs the question, are most men that oblivious to women being attracted to them? He seemed shocked that a women could find him attractive; which is bullshit because he is extremely attractive, funny, caring, sweet... I could go on for days. The only problem, which I realized when this entire thing started, is that Dan is Alix's best friend. And Dan being the amazing person he is told me that he couldn't date me because it would be wrong since he and Alix were friends. And I respect that, I honestly do. So we reached a compromise, friends with benefits. We did make a list of general rules, since there needs to be at least some guidelines when dealing with shit like this...

1) No talking about Alix when it's not in casual conversation.
2) We both have to be tested for STD's. His exact quote, "I trust you, I don't trust Alix."
3) We tell no one.
4) Because it's for shits and giggles, once one of us gets in to a serious relationship the funs over.
5) No emotional attachment.

I think those are it, but we thought of those over the course of a few days so I could be mistaken.

Even though I'm kinda upset that Dan and I aren't going to have a "real" relationship, whatever the hell that mean in today society; the more I think about it, the more I don't think I want all that commitment and heartache if something bad was to happen between us. So if there are so feelings or emotions involved then no one can get hurt. It will be like my relationship with Alix all over again, but this time I'll actually be attracted to the guy. (Don't to anyone I said that.)

At the same time, Dan said he won't date me because he's friends with Alix. Well, how is "fucking" his ex-girlfriend any less serious then dating his ex-girlfriend? It's beyond me, but whatever helps him sleep at night. So if Alix finds out, which actually its a matter of when not if, he's not going to forgive Dan or let Dan off the hook or even be more understanding for sleeping with me rather than dating me.

But either way, in the end I get Dan. And as selfish as that sounds, for the first time in my life I feel like being selfish when it comes to a relationship. I was a "fuck buddy" because I can and I don't want to feel bad about it.

...We're leaving to go to my cousins house in a bit so I'm not going be going into anymore detail (not that you guys really care about any of this shit).

location: Phoenix mood: calm music: Dodge City (1939)

Why do I have the feeling that something is wrong... so very wrong...


But since today is Christmas I shouldn't be worried about it, but I can't shake the horrible feeling from my head. I really want to write everything down, but my mother is sitting across the room look at Christmas cards online. So yet again, I'll update again later... *grumbles*

I hope everyone's Christmas has been absolutely wonderful. Mine hasn't been all that bad. I got a Sony Power Shot and some Tibetan Prayer Flags. Those were the only two big things I wanted, so I'm happy.

Like I keep on promising, I'll eventually explain everything that going on with Dan and I later, since that would take at least an hour to type out and I just don't have that kind of time.

location: Phoenix! mood: content music: Christmas Music

Merry Christmas from Phoenix!

Or at least as merry as one can be. This update has to be quick since I'm writing this when I'm alone for then ten minutes I have by myself for the first time in days.

I'll update later and longer once I have more time.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukkah, (again) I love you all to bits and pieces.

location: Phoenix... not Indiana! music: Something on TV downstairs

I'll be in Phoenix, Arizona enjoying the sunny, somewhat warmer temperatures there. It'll be nice to see my little extended family again since I haven't seen my Aunt Janet or Cousin Kelley (and her boyfriend/fiance) in a few years. Flying though always makes me nervous... I'm not a big fan. I love airports though; people watching is one of my favorite hobbies. The only problem with tomorrow is that our flight leaves at 7am, so we have to leave our house at like 5am.. so my sorry-ass has to get up at 4:30am. Not.Fucking.Cool. It's a 4 hour flight and I think it's a two hour time difference, so It will be only... *mental math, give me a moment.................* 9am when we touch down in Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport.

I know I mention Dan all the time, but its because he's all I think about. I swear to all that is good and true in this world. He's on my mind 24/7 and it's driving me fucking insane. The boy doesn't have AIM or Facebook so I can't talk to him that way and I feel kinda weird calling him randomly being like, "Hi. I miss you. I think about you all the time. In fact I can't think about anything but you." I need to figure something out. Patty says I should write him a note and send it to him (I don't know his address, which would make this a problem) with the aforementioned sentence, "I can't stop thinking about you." I may just text message him with that. It seems to 21st Century.

Now a question for all of you who may be reading... since I will be on a plane for a god-awful long time, whats a good book you've read lately? I'm going to Borders or Barnes and Nobles later tonight to pick something up, so any suggestions would be wonderful. :)

location: My Room. mood: calm music: Some song my brother is playing on Guitar Hero